I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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