my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
