someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
