my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize