what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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