Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
