i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
