he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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