The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
