if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
