i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize