Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
