My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
