wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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