I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So many bounce houses so little time
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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