wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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