I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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