her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize