Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
