I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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