So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
