So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
