That's intense
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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