Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
