And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
