Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
