come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize