P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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