so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
