Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
3pm strippers are depressing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
