Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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