I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
