Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
