I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
