so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
