ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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