my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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