If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
