One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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