Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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