I could make wine with my vomit
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
