I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
