hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
