this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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