This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
