Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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