then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
