You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
