be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
