oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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