just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
