Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
