ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
