I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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