you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
