i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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