Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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