Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
