so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
